Vampires Don’t Eat

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There’s an abiding myth that vampires are afraid of garlic. This, of course, is a lie. The garlic myth was triggered hundreds of years ago, when a nameless vampire joked about not attacking some woman because she smelled of garlic. I mean, how could anyone be terrified of a culinary herb? It’s true that garlic makes vampires sick. But in that respect it’s no different from bread or bacon or Brussels sprouts. A vampire’s stomach isn’t capable of digesting normal food; one slice of watermelon could put half a dozen vampires in bed for a week.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Following Footsteps

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It could also be that Ma got me the job because she started working at Antoine’s when she was sixteen, my age. Most parents who want their kids to follow in their footsteps are doctors or senators, stuff like that. But Ma wants me to work in a convenience store. Stay in the neighborhood. Support my community, because that’s another thing about growing up in Jokertown—it’s the only home some of us will ever have.

The Thing about Growing Up in Jokertown (A Tor.com Original) by Carrie Vaughn

Lies We Tell Ourselves

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Casimir had been a typical vampire—the quintessential vampire, in fact. And look what had happened to him! Whereas I . . . well, I was different. I was active and empathic and dependable and involved. I wasn’t anything like Casimir. It’s funny what lies you tell yourself when you’re scared to death.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Pride vs Pain

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Suddenly I found it impossible to contemplate walking away without Reuben. To do something so feeble—so flaccid and pathetic—would be hard to live with. Even a bullet in the gut might be preferable to a never-ending sense of worthlessness. Being a vampire was bad enough. Being a skulking, cowardly, apathetic vampire would be hideous.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Darkness Dispelled With a Decision

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It flashed into my mind that maybe Casimir was better off dead. I thought, What’s the point of living, if you’re a vampire? I felt so pitiable. So victimized. Nevertheless, while it seemed monstrously unfair that someone should be attacking powerless invalids like me, I could also understand the sense of revulsion motivating Casimir’s killer. After all, vampires made me sick. How could I blame other people for having the same response? I was in the unfortunate position of resenting behavior that I could understand perfectly. For several minutes I plunged deeper and deeper into an emotional black hole. Then, with an enormous effort, I hauled myself out again. I made a decision.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Mom Only Sees Her Little Princess

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But when Ma looks at me she doesn’t see a human whippet—five-three me with scruffy dark hair and a chest as big as a keg, with a wasp waist and the legs like an Olympic sprinter. And the fangs, don’t forget the fangs. Mongoose fangs, which was what got me my nickname—Rikki. My real name is Miranda. Nobody calls me that except the teachers at school. Rikki or Miranda, Ma just sees me as her little princess, her miracle joker baby.

The Thing about Growing Up in Jokertown (A Tor.com Original) by Carrie Vaughn

Brave Enough to Stay Smart

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“Be careful, Dave.” My voice cracked; I didn’t want to be left on my own. “Don’t open any doors unless you know what’s behind them.”

“It’s okay,” he assured me. “I’m not brave enough to do anything stupid.” Then he began to descend the staircase.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Unexpected Dinosaur Lifestyle

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“I’m just me – a very big, very brave, very vegetarian Tyrannosaurus rex!”

Linus The Vegetarian T-Rex by Robert Neubecker

Police Vans Feel Guilty

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Officer Dewey has to call in a van for Beastie. I ask if maybe we can get a ride in a SWAT van, just to see what that’s like, but no, they have a regular white utility van. Beastie rides in the back. The trip goes a little faster than the one uptown. That doesn’t change how weird it is, riding in a cop car. We have to keep convincing ourselves we haven’t done anything wrong and we aren’t being secretly taken to a jail somewhere.

The Thing about Growing Up in Jokertown (A Tor.com Original) by Carrie Vaughn