Tag Archives: Transgender

Public Perception and Identity

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Out of all the extended family, only Amy’s mother knew the truth about me. To everyone else, I passed fine. It never came up any more. After years of hormones, surgery, I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had questioned who I was. Amy used to hate it, not being able to qualify this is my boyfriend with he’s trans, especially with her queer friends, so she wouldn’t seem like an ordinary straight girl. Amy was a little concerned sometimes that she was too conventional. I didn’t really get it — I liked to blend, plus I thought she was like a fucking star in every room she walked into. But it was my life, and she got that.

I guess I felt a similar way with friends who liked to introduce me with This is Josh. He’s a paramedic. I had to tell people to stop doing it; it was my card to play. Because inevitably, you immediately got, Wow, what’s your craziest story? I could never do that! But I doubt they really wanted to hear about the woman who jumped off her building last night, especially when all of us were sitting at the bar having a good time. But I got it. It was a weird job. I just didn’t like to immediately be questioned about it.

–Holding Still For As Long As Possible by Zoe Whittall

This novel won the Lambda Literary Award: Transgender. A review can be seen HERE. More award winners can be found on the Amazon.com  Lambda Literary Award: Transgender listing.

 

Life As An Honorary Man

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“The men and women of one tribal village lived strictly separated, and when Carol was invited for tea in the women’s quarters, she was surprised to find a man living among them. The women called him “Uncle,” and he appeared to enjoy a special status in the village. The women served his tea and treated him with great respect. Uncle’s appearance was rugged, but he had a slightly softer face than the other men. It took a while, as well as a few helpful whispers, for Carol to understand that Uncle was actually an adult woman in a turban and men’s clothing.”

“In the small village, Uncle functioned as an intermediary between men and women, and served as an honorary male who could convey messages and escort other women when they needed to travel, posing no threat because she herself was a woman.”

“It was the local mullah’s doing, apparently: Uncle had been born as the seventh daughter in a family of no sons. As the spiritual leader of the village, the mullah had taken pity on the parents. So he simply designated the infant girl to be her parents’ son only hours after she was born.”

–The Underground Girls of Kabul: In Search of a Hidden Resistance in Afghanistan by Jenny Nordberg

True Suppression

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“No group can be truly suppressed until its members are trained and convinced to suppress one another.”

–The Underground Girls of Kabul: In Search of a Hidden Resistance in Afghanistan by Jenny Nordberg

Transforming Daughters Into Sons

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“Azita and her husband approached their youngest daughter with a proposition: “Do you want to look like a boy and dress like a boy, and do more fun things like boys do, like bicycling, soccer, and cricket? And would you like to be like your father?” She absolutely did. It was a splendid offer.”

“All it took was a haircut, a pair of pants from the bazaar, and a denim shirt with “superstar” printed on the back. In a single afternoon, the family went from having four daughters to being blessed with three little girls and a spiky-haired boy…To the outside world—and especially to Azita’s constituents back in Badghis—the family was finally complete.”

“Some, of course, knew the truth. But they, too, congratulated Azita. Having a made-up son was better than none, and people complimented her on her ingenuity.”

–The Underground Girls of Kabul: In Search of a Hidden Resistance in Afghanistan by Jenny Nordberg

Women, Childbirth, Boy-Magic and Bacha Posh

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This book is amazing. It’s one of those books that did not turn out the way I expected – and it was a very happy surprise.

While the individuals interviewed and profiled are all located in Afghanistan, the author traveled all over the world and found ‘Bacha Posh‘, or girls living as boys, in many regions where women are oppressed and living lives defined by the requirement to give birth to boys.

The author makes the following comment:

“The way I have come to see it now is that bacha posh is a missing piece in the history of women…We have an idea of how patriarchy was formed. But back then, a resistance was also born. Bacha posh is both historical and present-day rejection of patriarchy by those who refuse to accept the ruling order for themselves and their daughters.”

After reading the book, I fully agree with her. I also agree with many comments made by individuals interviewed who expressed frustration over government and NGOs who fly into Afghanistan and proceed to lecture local women about the nature of gender and the changes they should be making without ever taking the time to learn about the people, culture, history and (most importantly) needs and objectives of those trying to carve out lives in a war-torn region of the world.

From the description and the cover, I thought I was going to be reading about an underground society in the western-sense. Teenagers and young adults meeting in clandestine places and taking risks to express themselves or attempting to achieve goals not commonly allowed by society or family. While there were elements of these things, they were a very small part of the book as a whole.

This journalistic investigation is an examination of both an aspect of Afghan culture AND western perspectives on gender, human rights and women’s equality. It is as much an examination of our own misconceptions as it is an exploration of a tradition and a concept that is inherently foreign to people living in present-day western society.

It’s an excellent read. I highly recommend it.

To provide a sense of the cultural background that defines the lives of the bacha posh, here are a few quotes about women, childbirth, boys and magic:

“Having at least one son is mandatory for good standing and reputation here. A family is not only incomplete without one; in a country lacking rule of law, it is also seen as weak and vulnerable. So it is incumbent upon every married woman to quickly bear a son–it is her absolute purpose in life, and if she does not fulfill it, there is clearly something wrong with her in the eyes of others. She could be dismissed as a dokhtar zai, or “she who only brings daughters.”

“The literacy rate is no more than 10 percent in most areas, and many unfounded truths swirl around without being challenged. Among them is the commonly held belief that a woman can choose the sex of her unborn baby simply by making up her mind about it. As a consequence, a woman’s inability to bear sons does not elicit much sympathy.”

“Esmaeel came to the family through divine intervention, she explains. When her sixth daughter was born, this desperate mother decided that the child should be presented to the world as a son…Her mother had been told by friends and neighbors that if she were to turn her girl into a boy, it would bring her good luck. Good luck, in this case, was a real son…Telling her story of giving birth to a son after dressing a daughter as a boy for two years, the mother looks immensely pleased. Her sixth daughter, who had been a bacha posh, died shortly after her third birthday, but she had fulfilled a greater purpose.”

–The Underground Girls of Kabul: In Search of a Hidden Resistance in Afghanistan by Jenny Nordberg

Boys in Dresses and 12-Step Dragons

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The quotes at the end of this posting come from books that address very specific and special circumstances. These are the kinds of children’s books that generate controversy in ways that I have never understood.

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Many years ago the book Heather Has Two Mommies (written by Leslea Newman and illustrated by Diana Souza) came out and caused a huge uproar in the Midwestern town I was living in. The local library secured a copy and a patron, who has (apparently) never been identified, pooped inside the book – yes, that’s right, an adult found the book, took it into the bathroom and pooped in it. (The book was found, damaged beyond all possible repair, in the bathroom.) Ever since then I find myself wondering which self righteous ‘adult’ is going to poop in the next ‘unapproved’ children’s book that happens to come along.

These two books fall under the ‘unapproved’ category because they cover things that children deal with, struggle with, and face enormous stress and pressure over – but are expected to never, ever talk about. Specifically: A parent’s addiction and the desire to wear unconventional clothes.

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In both cases these things must be talked about and accepted on the part of the child’s family, whoever that may be. Ideally, the situation would be lovingly and respectfully dealt with by the community at large – but that is an idealism. Regardless, these books are extremely helpful tools. They can provide support and get the conversation started, or they can help build a bridge when a parent realizes he or she has been addressing the situation in all the wrong ways.

They also have multiple uses. The Dragon is named Al and the illustrations and storyline clearly lean toward alcoholism, but it can be used to begin a conversation about any kind of addiction. Jacob likes to dress like a princess and wants nothing more than to wear a dress, which is clearly a problem simply soaked in gender-identity and gender-based expectations. But Jacob also wants to wear things that are different from what the rest of the kids are wearing – different from what he is expected to wear. He wants to do things that are different from what is expected of him because of what he looks like. There are many kids who struggle with being different, or wanting to be different, and needing to be accepted for those differences – and not all of them are gender-based variations from the norm.

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So, I was looking at these two books, thinking about how they are very good and necessary things. Yet, I was not (am not) dealing with these specific scenarios. Should I just put them back on the shelves and move on to something more standard and expected in the children’s literature stacks. Are these books truly problem (catastrophe) specific events? Are they best left to gather dust until a special situation arises, when they are pulled down and used to address whatever issue is at hand? Or, are they stories that should be read to all children, regardless of situation, in the same way that conflict resolution focused books are read – to prepare a child for whatever he or she may face?

As it happens, while I was busy mulling over the oh-so-important decisions adults must make, a child asked me to read both books. So (with his mother’s permission), I did – twice (at his request). I don’t think he saw them as special or even unusual. From a child’s perspective, they were just stories. Stories about a boy whose classmates were sometimes mean and about a family with a dragon. Stories about kids. Stories with pictures and adventures. Stories. Period.

None of it was as important or universe changing as I had made it out to be – which may be the lesson that I, as the over-thinking adult, may need to learn.

QUOTES:

“Dad explained to us that Al the Dragon will always be with us. He says he has to work a few simple steps to make sure Al doesn’t take over our lives again. Dad’s new best friend is his sponsor. The sponsor has a dragon, too. They go to meetings.”

–The Dragon Who Lives at Our House, A Story of What It Feels Like to Lose Control of your Life, written by Elaine Mitchell and illustrated by Norris Hall

“A bunch of kids laughed. Jacob felt his dress surrounding him. Like armor. Soft, cottony, magic armor.”

–Jacob’s New Dress, written by Sarah and Ian Hoffman and illustrated by Chris Case

(C) Adora Myers