Vampires Don’t Eat

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There’s an abiding myth that vampires are afraid of garlic. This, of course, is a lie. The garlic myth was triggered hundreds of years ago, when a nameless vampire joked about not attacking some woman because she smelled of garlic. I mean, how could anyone be terrified of a culinary herb? It’s true that garlic makes vampires sick. But in that respect it’s no different from bread or bacon or Brussels sprouts. A vampire’s stomach isn’t capable of digesting normal food; one slice of watermelon could put half a dozen vampires in bed for a week.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Lies We Tell Ourselves

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Casimir had been a typical vampire—the quintessential vampire, in fact. And look what had happened to him! Whereas I . . . well, I was different. I was active and empathic and dependable and involved. I wasn’t anything like Casimir. It’s funny what lies you tell yourself when you’re scared to death.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Pride vs Pain

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Suddenly I found it impossible to contemplate walking away without Reuben. To do something so feeble—so flaccid and pathetic—would be hard to live with. Even a bullet in the gut might be preferable to a never-ending sense of worthlessness. Being a vampire was bad enough. Being a skulking, cowardly, apathetic vampire would be hideous.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Darkness Dispelled With a Decision

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It flashed into my mind that maybe Casimir was better off dead. I thought, What’s the point of living, if you’re a vampire? I felt so pitiable. So victimized. Nevertheless, while it seemed monstrously unfair that someone should be attacking powerless invalids like me, I could also understand the sense of revulsion motivating Casimir’s killer. After all, vampires made me sick. How could I blame other people for having the same response? I was in the unfortunate position of resenting behavior that I could understand perfectly. For several minutes I plunged deeper and deeper into an emotional black hole. Then, with an enormous effort, I hauled myself out again. I made a decision.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Brave Enough to Stay Smart

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“Be careful, Dave.” My voice cracked; I didn’t want to be left on my own. “Don’t open any doors unless you know what’s behind them.”

“It’s okay,” he assured me. “I’m not brave enough to do anything stupid.” Then he began to descend the staircase.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Elderly Vampires Have Bad Hips

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Bridget’s always knitting. She was eighty-two when she was infected, so she can’t do much else. Even climbing stairs can be a problem for Bridget because of her hip joints. There’s only one thing worse than being a vampire, and that’s being an elderly vampire with bad hips.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Defying Expectations of Existence

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I find it rather hard to accept that I’m not supposed to exist.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Fear is Your Friend

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Don’t ever believe that vampires are fearless. On the contrary. What happened to Casimir could happen to any vampire, at any time. When the whole world hates you, fear becomes your friend.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

If being a vampire were easy…

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The plain fact is, I can’t do anything much. That’s part of the problem. Vampires are meant to be so glamorous and powerful, but I’m here to inform you that being a vampire is nothing like that. Not one bit. On the contrary, it’s like being stuck indoors with the flu watching daytime television, forever and ever. If being a vampire were easy, there wouldn’t have to be a Reformed Vampire Support Group.

The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks

Vampire Baby

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“I had to convince Mom and Dad that Tootie really was a vampire baby. “Your sister is not a vampire,” Mom said. “Biting is just a phase.”

“…Back off, Bat Boy!” I said, scooping Tootie up. “And watch how you talk to my little sister. Tootie may be a vampire baby. But she’s my vampire baby.”

Vampire Baby, written by Kelly Bennet and illustrated by Paul Meisel